A Deviated Septum is Nothing to Sneeze At

Making an attempt at Dry January. Been sober-ish for almost 2 weeks. I say sober-ish because I have had 2 beers. Which my housemate gave to me. I don't intend on stopping drinking. Just way overdid it during the holidays. Got sick of waking up sick and shaky. Every cell in my body screaming for alcohol.  So yup, taking a break. Oh yes and got brave and asked for Acamprosate from the doctor. It's supposed to help with cravings. Medication based sobriety is valid. California Sober is also valid. Yes been smoking quite a bit more weed. Of course now I'm at the point of out of weed, out of money. And the tension is so real. That's the hardest part to deal with sober - the tension. Feeling tense, mind racing, begging for any sort of relief to help slow my mind down.  Might end up bumming dad for beer money and give in. It's Friday after all. Weedman doesn't take digital payments, cash only.  *** Another point of contention is that YouTube removed my first Santa Muert...

Started off with that old classic, which 3 people living or dead would you have dinner with. I decided Rodney Dangerfield, Sam Kinison and Tiny Tim. Of course Kinison and Dangerfield would be lamenting their luck with women. Me joining in with my own tales of woe. But, it begins to snow and only Tiny Tim takes the offer to spend the nite.  And yes, I do find Tiny Tim to be attractive lol. I think he would've liked me if I got to know him. Not entirely sure where I'm taking this story, I was fairly drunk when I started it. Because we can keep with the soft and sweet romantic slash orrrrr we can go full on explicit. Either way, here's what we've got so far.... *** The library is warm and inviting. The fireplace roars and crackles, battling the frigid snowy night. All the dinner guests have gone home before the snow got too heavy. It's just Clyde and Tiny Tim in the library. The invitation to stay the night was open to anyone, but he's the only one that accepted th...

 Flat out, it's just too upsetting to read through those old journal entries. Ya no puedo, can't fuckin do it.  I've been meanwhile finding some success with my YouTube channel. 1k subscribers and my Santa Muerte song compilations have been gaining a lot of traction. 95k views on my second compilation, that's huge!.  As a result though, the majority of my subscriber base speaks Spanish. So moving forward, I'm making my videos bilingual in order to be more accessible to my audience. I like doing spoken word pieces. Now that my voice has deepened, I really enjoy the sound of my voice now. And yeah sure, it's almost masturbatory to enjoy listening to myself speak. Fuck it, I can be happy with myself and my newfound voice. Considering doing a bit about my bout with psychosis. I made some videos during that time which I've uploaded.  I'm taking the old school, 2006's YouTube approach. I'm not in it for the money, not looking for sponsorships or any of...

  A very long three days to finally end up at [Hospital's] Behavioral Health Unit after 3 days in their crisis ER area. No roommate and hope it stays that way. Hijacked the extra pillow and blanket. Made an enemy right off the bat too. I arrived right at shower time and they were helping me get used to their system and this other woman was saying she was first and all. Frazzled and with low nicotine and testosterone and just belted out “Fuck it! Go ahead! I don't give a fuck!” or something to that effect and hoo boy.  “Do you know what it's like to have hemorrhoids?!?” She shouted.  “YES I DO!” I declared. “Itchy, painful and burns as fuck!!! SO GO FIRST!!” I shouted back. Been having trouble not having outbursts. Hoping that blows over. Been fortunate to have some pretty cool staff.  [The author would later eat those words] Wonder if it's the same hospital food or if we get anything different. Snack time was good, same stuff we're getting for lunch snacks dow...

 My friend and ally from the hospital, please contact me on Facebook. I came home to 10 new friend requests and I don't know what your name is on Facebook. >_<

 Just got out of the psych ward. Needed a checkup from the neck up. The first week was sheer hell. The second week was a bit better, a lighter form of hell. I had an ally on the inside, you see. I journaled extensively and I'll transcribe it all here over time. I'm titling these chronicles "Grippy Sock Yellows" a play on The Blues. Also because the hospital socks in my size were yellow and I detest yellow. I am doing better now, just adjusting to being back home. Fuck I missed music. Currently working on a Youtube playlist of all the songs and pop culture references I made in my journal. Find it here .

“Just shut up! Shut the fuck up!” Excuse me? Shut up, eh? Shut up? I’m going for a walk! Slam the door shut and I hear shouting from the other side. There are plenty of bars around here. I’m walking to the nearest bar! Belatedly, I realize no bar is open after midnight on a Sunday. I walk more and slowly begin to circle back. I sing to myself, choking back tears as I sing. Each step on the concrete pounding in my head, feeling like a march. It's a long way to Tipperary, It's a long way to go. It's a long way to Tipperary To the sweetest girl I know! Goodbye, Piccadilly, Farewell, Leicester Square! It's a long long way to Tipperary, But my heart's right there. Tears well as I sing and march. Where is Tipperary anyhow? I don’t know. But, it sounds like a nice place, doesn’t it? Yeah. I wish I was in Tipperary right now. I watch a bunny hop across the street and I smile. I think of nice bunnies and Tipperary. I still want to drink...

 iykyk  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XVeiNALPsE

  “Floor 0 – Welcome – Stop the blood” in Esperanto & English https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShPEPGGPasc

  TO EXTINGUISH FIRE WITHOUT WATER. Write the following words on each side of a plate, and throw it into the fire, and it will be extinguished forthwith: S A T O R A R E P O T E N E T O P E R A R O T A S – Long Lost Friend https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSCgFephzsk

 Slovak for “Monsters and fear” https://youtu.be/g_mg7hEbVaM?si=8E1ExIsdqRsGJ289  

  My ex, whom you’ve heard so much about, was terrified of Detroit. As soon as we hit the exit ramp, he would press the lock button on his car three times. Oh my goodness, it’s Detroit, I might get shot! Hah. It’s fun to think Mr. Macho Über Dom was scared of Detroit. My boyfriend and I went on a nice little tour of my hometown the other day. I got to show him my old Elementary school, the vacant lot where my grandparent’s house once was, the Rite Aid that was once a burned down dollar store, the senior citizen’s apartments a family friend lived in, the supermercado that used to be a Farmer Jack and the elementary school I worked at. We even got to look around abandoned homes. There was a locked Masterlock dangling from the latch on a burned down house. Like the ad said, Masterlock truly is tough under fire. The lock was the only thing intact at that house. Peeking at another house it was a bit depressing. Half of the house was fire damaged and a mouse peeked out when I...

Well, I can tick that off the bucket list or I’m definitely over the ex. (2018-01-19 02:37) – private So Friday was a shitty day. The perfect kind of day to go to the bar after work and get wasted. There’s also the auto show and there are a lot of Germans visiting. This will be relevant soon. So, anyway I’m fairly drunk and a Puerto Rican and German walk into the bar. rimshot Didn’t even realize he was German at first. A rather attractive guy goes up to the bartender to get shots for his friend. Blonde hair, blue eyes, scruffy beard, average height. I overhear his accent and I’m instantly enamored. The concept of a bar tab was baffling to him and that makes him adorable. We chat a bit, but I don’t sit with him and his friend or anything. Me: Where are you from? I like your accent. Him: Vere do you tink I’m from? Me: I really have no idea, that’s why I’m asking. He smiles. Him: I am from Germany. We shake hands. He’s 41 and his name is Michael. I debate talki...

  The last time I did acid, I took 5 tabs. Yes, yes, I know now what a horrible idea that was. It was upon my friend’s advice. My brain needed a hard reset. And boy……I got that and more. First off, after I had already dosed I found it was blessed by a sect I don’t personally agree with. Great, this blessing is about to become a curse. I became a crumpled piece of paper. Floating about the universe. Unloved, forgotten and utterly alone. I had to be told I was loved. And I didn’t even understand what the concept of “love” was. I was an unloved crumpled up piece of paper. I suppose that was ego death. I had a great experience on shrooms 2 years ago. I’ll have to write more about the house I lived in at that time. A coven lived there previously and there were marks and evidence of such. Tried to work it out with Pennsylvania Dutch Powwow. I about needed a priest to bless the house. That house helped drive me insane. But, I digress. Anyhow, the shroom stor...

The other day, ended up talking anime with one of the Japanese teachers. Part of the vocabulary in the lesson included the words “We are.” And he goes “We are, we are on the cruuuise!” and I just involuntarily shout out “ONE PIECE!!” It’s funny too how long that series has been around, kids here are still into One Piece. But he says “You know One Piece?” I reply “Gomu gomu noooooo…..” and throw a mock punch. “I haven’t watched in a long time, but I know it.” Him: What’s your favorite anime? Me: Sailor Moon! Him: Ah, Bishojo Senshi Sera Moon! I watched in elementary school! Me: Me too, in 5th grade! Him: What is Bishojo Senshi Sera Moon in English? Me: Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon, but in America, we just say Sailor Moon. Him: Do you know Dragonball? Me: Yes!! Who are your favorite characters? Him: Gohan and Piccolo. How about you? Me: I like Goku and I like Vegeta! Him: Ah. Do you know Rurouni Kenshin? Me: Yes!!! I love Rurouni Kenshin! I haven’t watched in a long time! ...

  So, I got to meet 25B-NBOMe yesterday. One was great, two would have been better. But in short, it was wonderful and I’d try it again. We got the place nice and clean and set up a cuddle pile on the bed. Following Brian’s advice to the letter to make sure we had a safe and happy experience. Brian started first and I waited a half hour…started exactly at 4:20 because I knew I’d remember that time, heh. We came to realize it must be sublingually, as in under the tongue. I feel a little bad he didn’t see all the things I did, but there will be other chances. Very chemical metallic taste. Not horrible, but not exactly tasty. The taste and mouth numbing let me know there was definitely something there. Played Bump N’ Jump on Nes rom as I waited. The colors looked brighter and nicer after a while. After it was fully dissolved, a short time later the shirt and jacket on my bicycle looked like a small, friendly black horse. I could separate reality from ...

  He shuffles and looks down at his feet. He’s afraid. He knew this day would come. But, he tries to keep brave. “What sex were you assigned at birth?” they sternly ask. “Female.” He replies with a stern glare. “But, I am a man.” The butt of a gun connects fiercely with his jaw. “Then be a man. Get up and fight like a man.” replies the man. He spits out blood. A couple of teeth feel loose. He groans and gets up to his feet. “Fuck you. I’m a man.” he replies. The rifle butt connects again. Stars fill his vision. “Fuuck” He sputters and spits out a mouthful of blood. “Fuck you….motherfucker” The man grins and laughs. “I’m going to fuck you in the pussy. Teach you how to be a woman again.” The man growls. He laughs. “Fuck me hard? Just like I fucked your mother last nite! Gonna have some trouble getting to my pussy with my big fat dick in the way.” He is kicked hard between the legs and drops to the ground. Blows land on his ribs and ...