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Dry January/Youtube Frustrations

Making an attempt at Dry January. Been sober-ish for almost 2 weeks. I say sober-ish because I have had 2 beers. Which my housemate gave to me. I don't intend on stopping drinking. Just way overdid it during the holidays. Got sick of waking up sick and shaky. Every cell in my body screaming for alcohol.  So yup, taking a break. Oh yes and got brave and asked for Acamprosate from the doctor. It's supposed to help with cravings. Medication based sobriety is valid. California Sober is also valid. Yes been smoking quite a bit more weed. Of course now I'm at the point of out of weed, out of money. And the tension is so real. That's the hardest part to deal with sober - the tension. Feeling tense, mind racing, begging for any sort of relief to help slow my mind down.  Might end up bumming dad for beer money and give in. It's Friday after all. Weedman doesn't take digital payments, cash only.  *** Another point of contention is that YouTube removed my first Santa Muert...

Clyde and Tiny Tim sitting in a tree.......

Started off with that old classic, which 3 people living or dead would you have dinner with. I decided Rodney Dangerfield, Sam Kinison and Tiny Tim. Of course Kinison and Dangerfield would be lamenting their luck with women. Me joining in with my own tales of woe. But, it begins to snow and only Tiny Tim takes the offer to spend the nite.  And yes, I do find Tiny Tim to be attractive lol. I think he would've liked me if I got to know him. Not entirely sure where I'm taking this story, I was fairly drunk when I started it. Because we can keep with the soft and sweet romantic slash orrrrr we can go full on explicit. Either way, here's what we've got so far.... *** The library is warm and inviting. The fireplace roars and crackles, battling the frigid snowy night. All the dinner guests have gone home before the snow got too heavy. It's just Clyde and Tiny Tim in the library. The invitation to stay the night was open to anyone, but he's the only one that accepted th...

If you haven't already guessed by now, I've abandoned "Grippy Socks Yellows"

 Flat out, it's just too upsetting to read through those old journal entries. Ya no puedo, can't fuckin do it.  I've been meanwhile finding some success with my YouTube channel. 1k subscribers and my Santa Muerte song compilations have been gaining a lot of traction. 95k views on my second compilation, that's huge!.  As a result though, the majority of my subscriber base speaks Spanish. So moving forward, I'm making my videos bilingual in order to be more accessible to my audience. I like doing spoken word pieces. Now that my voice has deepened, I really enjoy the sound of my voice now. And yeah sure, it's almost masturbatory to enjoy listening to myself speak. Fuck it, I can be happy with myself and my newfound voice. Considering doing a bit about my bout with psychosis. I made some videos during that time which I've uploaded.  I'm taking the old school, 2006's YouTube approach. I'm not in it for the money, not looking for sponsorships or any of...

Grippy Socks Yellows: 3-10-25

  A very long three days to finally end up at [Hospital's] Behavioral Health Unit after 3 days in their crisis ER area. No roommate and hope it stays that way. Hijacked the extra pillow and blanket. Made an enemy right off the bat too. I arrived right at shower time and they were helping me get used to their system and this other woman was saying she was first and all. Frazzled and with low nicotine and testosterone and just belted out “Fuck it! Go ahead! I don't give a fuck!” or something to that effect and hoo boy.  “Do you know what it's like to have hemorrhoids?!?” She shouted.  “YES I DO!” I declared. “Itchy, painful and burns as fuck!!! SO GO FIRST!!” I shouted back. Been having trouble not having outbursts. Hoping that blows over. Been fortunate to have some pretty cool staff.  [The author would later eat those words] Wonder if it's the same hospital food or if we get anything different. Snack time was good, same stuff we're getting for lunch snacks dow...

Hello! Attention!

 My friend and ally from the hospital, please contact me on Facebook. I came home to 10 new friend requests and I don't know what your name is on Facebook. >_<

Grippy Sock Yellows - Introduction

 Just got out of the psych ward. Needed a checkup from the neck up. The first week was sheer hell. The second week was a bit better, a lighter form of hell. I had an ally on the inside, you see. I journaled extensively and I'll transcribe it all here over time. I'm titling these chronicles "Grippy Sock Yellows" a play on The Blues. Also because the hospital socks in my size were yellow and I detest yellow. I am doing better now, just adjusting to being back home. Fuck I missed music. Currently working on a Youtube playlist of all the songs and pop culture references I made in my journal. Find it here .

It's a long way to Tipperary

“Just shut up! Shut the fuck up!” Excuse me? Shut up, eh? Shut up? I’m going for a walk! Slam the door shut and I hear shouting from the other side. There are plenty of bars around here. I’m walking to the nearest bar! Belatedly, I realize no bar is open after midnight on a Sunday. I walk more and slowly begin to circle back. I sing to myself, choking back tears as I sing. Each step on the concrete pounding in my head, feeling like a march. It's a long way to Tipperary, It's a long way to go. It's a long way to Tipperary To the sweetest girl I know! Goodbye, Piccadilly, Farewell, Leicester Square! It's a long long way to Tipperary, But my heart's right there. Tears well as I sing and march. Where is Tipperary anyhow? I don’t know. But, it sounds like a nice place, doesn’t it? Yeah. I wish I was in Tipperary right now. I watch a bunny hop across the street and I smile. I think of nice bunnies and Tipperary. I still want to drink...